More on Fear
More on Fear
As we know from our understanding about the fight/flight/freeze response (polyvagal theory being especially useful here) “thinking” is the least useful aptitude when needing to flee from danger. So why do we expect to “think” our way through a situation that feels threatening?
Perhaps there’s something about this time of year that is so synonymous with starting over, given my co-writer’s blog below entitled ‘Fear’, but I have been thinking a lot recently about the way that we soothe animals and how we might learn from that when working with our own nervous systems. We don’t know what animals are thinking so we have to find another way in rather than trying to “reason” with them.
I am no vet, animal psychologist, or trainer but I have been around animals especially dogs and horses as I expect many of you have too. How do you approach them when they are feeling threatened when there is no rational reason to be frightened? Do you give yourself the same patience and compassion when you feel threatened even when you aren’t facing imminent danger?
Perhaps I am experiencing the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon, which describes a cognitive bias that makes you feel that the thing you have become conscious of seems to appear everywhere, but I seem to be seeing examples of people “staying with” an animal whilst they regulate their nervous system, using their own grounded nervous system to reassure, wherever I look.
The recent RSPCA advert that talks about understanding that you can’t explain to a traumatised dog that they are now safe and about to have a very different life, you have to simply show them with consistent love and care.
An equestrian expert who waits with a horse whilst they learn that a straw bale at the side of a road isn’t a monster about to get them, using their knowledge and skills of course, but fundamentally knowing that staying regulated and focused themselves is the key.
A kennel owner who shows a dog that by gradually coming closer, for as long as it takes,
and offering consistent care in the meantime, that they can learn to trust again.
Animals may not “think” as we do but they have long memories for treatment that has hurt them. Nevertheless, they can learn to feel safe again with humans by experiencing consistent care and patience from a carer who is able to regulate their own system.
If, instead of trying to push through a feared situation white-nuckle-ride until we can breathe again, we humans gave themselves the same patience that we give animals to regulate their systems before taking action I wonder where we would be?
Sometimes, it’s not possible to do this on our own. Sometimes we might not know what our system is doing, what it might be trying to say to us, or what it might be holding onto from our past. As in the examples above, the animals weren’t expected to learn how to regulate themselves on their own but do we give ourselves the same compassion to accept help?
This may, of course, come in the guise of a therapist but how about, as a start, making a choice to hang out with a nervous system (animal or human) that you know instinctively makes you feel calm, safe, regulated (use whatever terms feels meaningful to you) and see what you notice?
